Today is Sept 19. It’s not anything really special. Except for the fact that it’s exactly FOUR days AFTER my Dad’s birthday and I failed to remember until now.
The worst part is that H totally mentioned to me in the morning of 15th, “Hey it’s your Dad’s birthday today.”
But that was before coffee, so therefore it disappeared in to the ether.
Which is still no excuse.
Living abroad seems to make me forget all things across the pond.
Also not an excuse.
I also know that the past couple weeks I’ve been slipping and sliding on this whole thing called life. It’s fall and things have gotten busy. Little P started preschool and we’re planning R&R and there’s been a few random family dramatics that are taking up space in my brain. I haven’t taken time to write either blog content or for my memoir. I’m horribly behind on Tribewriters and it’s making me so disappointed in myself. I have resumes to edit and friends asking for riding workouts and a blogging circle to participate in, and I can’t seem to just sit down and do it. We’ve had functions to attend. The calendar is getting precariously close to final marathon stretch of Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Year’s-Birthdays-Valentine’s.
I haven't done a single squat in over a month and my trainer friend who is collaborating with me on the rider fitness idea is going to kick my hind end when he gets back. My punishment will be in the form of box jumps and wall balls that will make it difficult to walk for days.
Still- not an excuse.
Yoga? What’s yoga?
Nope, not an excuse either.
What do you do when your own living-in-the-moment-mindfulness-journey causes you to get so inside your own head that you forget important things?
I’ve been so focused on being in the moment and not letting myself get too far ahead, that I fail to send my thoughts outside my bubble long enough to connect.
Or maybe I have ADD.
Or is it really that I’ve fallen off the wagon?
If I’m honest with myself, the only time I’ve been able to truly live in the moment has been when I’m in the saddle, and that requires me to think about the ride and nothing else. And thank heaven for that time- because I think if I didn’t have it I would have locked myself in a closet with wine and oreos weeks ago.
What I’m learning is that being mindful doesn’t mean being brainless. I can’t just get complacent because I want to quiet my mind in some sort of attempt to feel less overwhelmed. The more I ignore the needs of the calendar and our household, the less mindful I can possibly be. And that quickly snow balls into distraction and frustration and failed endeavors.
Daddy would say I should start practicing Tai Chi. And also not be so hard on myself.
Daddy, I love you and I’m sorry. And I know that you are so forgiving and understanding by nature that this is already water under the bridge. Plus we have that whole belated everything gene in our family. But just know that I’m kicking myself enough for the both of us. If its any consolation, it’s been so chaotic that I’ve gone 5+ days at at time without talking to CG- and everyone who knows me knows that we chat daily!
Alas, I can't end this post in a negative place so here’s a little list of good stuff that’s happened among all the chaos:
Riding is going really well- I feel like I’m back and know what I’m doing. I’ve had a great learning opportunity fall into my lap and am so excited about it. I'm falling in love with the red-headed mare I'm working with.
Also, as a result- I feel more fit and energetic than I have in a long time. I’ve dropped some weight and lost several inches in places that count! And all I did was stop eating crap, hydrate better, and consistently ride. I still have work to do, but now I feel like I’m definitely over the hump.
I’ve gained four new clients that will begin riding with me in the next couple weeks.
Little P counted to 30, and Little R randomly counted to 10 on his own the other day. Little R is also starting to investigate potty time with enthusiasm!
H and I managed to go to happy hour the other night and are trying to recommit to making date nights a priority.
I’ve taken the time to read some silly novels that are just making me happy.
Two people want me to guest post on their blogs- which is kind of a big deal to me! I’m SO excited about the opportunity to share myself elsewhere!
What tricks of the trade do you all use to refocus yourself in times of stress? Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!