Complete Mindfulness Fail

mindfulnessfailAbout two minutes before I started writing this I realized what day it was, and that I can officially win this month’s FORGETFUL JERK AWARD.

Today is Sept 19.  It’s not anything really special.  Except for the fact that it’s exactly FOUR days AFTER my Dad’s birthday and I failed to remember until now.

The worst part is that H totally mentioned to me in the morning of 15th, “Hey it’s your Dad’s birthday today.”  

But that was before coffee, so therefore it disappeared in to the ether.

Which is still no excuse.  

Living abroad seems to make me forget all things across the pond.

Also not an excuse.

I also know that the past couple weeks I’ve been slipping and sliding on this whole thing called life.  It’s fall and things have gotten busy.  Little P started preschool and we’re planning R&R and there’s been a few random family dramatics that are taking up space in my brain.  I haven’t taken time to write either blog content or for my memoir.  I’m horribly behind on Tribewriters and it’s making me so disappointed in myself.  I have resumes to edit and friends asking for riding workouts and a blogging circle to participate in, and I can’t seem to just sit down and do it.  We’ve had functions to attend.  The calendar is getting precariously close to final marathon stretch of Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Year’s-Birthdays-Valentine’s.

I haven't done a single squat in over a month and my trainer friend who is collaborating with me on the rider fitness idea is going to kick my hind end when he gets back.  My punishment will be in the form of box jumps and wall balls that will make it difficult to walk for days.

Still- not an excuse.

Yoga?  What’s yoga?

Nope, not an excuse either. 

What do you do when your own living-in-the-moment-mindfulness-journey causes you to get so inside your own head that you forget important things?

I’ve been so focused on being in the moment and not letting myself get too far ahead, that I fail to send my thoughts outside my bubble long enough to connect.

Or maybe I have ADD.

Or is it really that I’ve fallen off the wagon? 

If I’m honest with myself, the only time I’ve been able to truly live in the moment has been when I’m in the saddle, and that requires me to think about the ride and nothing else.  And thank heaven for that time- because I think if I didn’t have it I would have locked myself in a closet with wine and oreos weeks ago.

What I’m learning is that being mindful doesn’t mean being brainless.  I can’t just get complacent because I want to quiet my mind in some sort of attempt to feel less overwhelmed.  The more I ignore the needs of the calendar and our household, the less mindful I can possibly be.  And that quickly snow balls into distraction and frustration and failed endeavors.

Daddy would say I should start practicing Tai Chi.  And also not be so hard on myself.

Daddy, I love you and I’m sorry.  And I know that you are so forgiving and understanding by nature that this is already water under the bridge.  Plus we have that whole belated everything gene in our family.  But just know that I’m kicking myself enough for the both of us.  If its any consolation, it’s been so chaotic that I’ve gone 5+ days at at time without talking to CG- and everyone who knows me knows that we chat daily!

Alas, I can't end this post in a negative place so here’s a little list of good stuff that’s happened among all the chaos:

Riding is going really well- I feel like I’m back and know what I’m doing.  I’ve had a great learning opportunity fall into my lap and am so excited about it.  I'm falling in love with the red-headed mare I'm working with.

Also, as a result- I feel more fit and energetic than I have in a long time.  I’ve dropped some weight and lost several inches in places that count!  And all I did was stop eating crap, hydrate better, and consistently ride.  I still have work to do, but now I feel like I’m definitely over the hump.

I’ve gained four new clients that will begin riding with me in the next couple weeks.

Little P counted to 30, and Little R randomly counted to 10 on his own the other day.  Little R is also starting to investigate potty time with enthusiasm!

H and I managed to go to happy hour the other night and are trying to recommit to making date nights a priority.

I’ve taken the time to read some silly novels that are just making me happy.

Two people want me to guest post on their blogs- which is kind of a big deal to me!  I’m SO excited about the opportunity to share myself elsewhere!

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What tricks of the trade do you all use to refocus yourself in times of stress?   Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

12 thoughts on “Complete Mindfulness Fail

  1. Your list of good stuff is pretty impressing in my eyes so please don't beat yourself up too much. It's just a birthday that you forgot and that can happen. I find there are 364 other days in a year I can tell somebody I love him and think of him, not just on his birthday. I love it that you feel in the moment when you are riding, it's the same for me. We both should do more of that, then I am sure we would get a handle on the chaos in our life much easier 🙂

    1. I totally agree with you- 364 days to do a bit better at living in he moment. I've been very lucky to be able to ride five days a week for a few months now- it's amazing how much my mood has improved. My husband loves it when I'm fulfilling my ride time because I'm much nicer to be around!

  2. Wow it sounds like you have a lot going on! Congrats on being invited to guest post on not one but two other blogs! That's awesome! And you're writing a memoir!

    When I'm overwhelmed and stressed I tend to take a little time out for myself, retreat from the world, and do things that make me feel good - like reading, and writing, all while cuddling my cat 🙂

    1. I'm excited and super nervous to guest post! Roisin you make a good point. Last night I finished up one of my silly youth novels I've been reading while my dog lounged along side me on the couch. It was definitely an in-the-moment moment. She's an old gal, and it had me thinking that she won't be around that much longer, and I need to take the time to cuddle with her more!

  3. Hi Misti!

    Thanks for sharing so much of your beautiful life with us. You do have a lot going on. Its a marvel you do it all so well. I'm reminded of the "keep it simple" slogan. When we take on a lot in life I think we're obligated to relinquish the notion that we're "forgetful jerks". Something has just got to give. You know what I mean?

    I feel you girl. You're doing a lot of really cool things. Keep up the good work!


    1. Thank you so much for that! You are right, something has got to give, otherwise my brain would implode I think!

      I'm also learning that good things, when piled all together, can cause stress and THAT's OK. The more I accept that, the more I think I can get a handle on it.

      Thank you for blessing me with a visit to my little blog! It means a lot!

  4. Interesting... I am very forgetful... everything has to be on the calendar with multiple pop-ups! As I debate about what to do about the problem, meditation is something I think might be helpful. Like you, it's on the list of things to do that never get done (right above yoga LOL).
    Glad your Dad is the forgiving type!

    1. Something I'm working on right now is getting all of the calendars in one spot, and learning to schedule in writing time and workout time like its an appointment. It's funny you mention meditation- we were just discussing meditation the other day on 500 Words and the consensus was that it's so good for you, and that of course consistency is key LOL!

  5. Maggie

    What a rich and full life you've created for yourself! What strikes me is that you're attending to all dimensions of your life right now, which is an amazing feat: personal, professional, family -- with growth in all of those arenas.

    As for me, when I need to come back to myself, I make it a priority to rise earlier than everyone in my household. It grounds me to have time alone, particularly before the sun rises. There's something about being awake for the sunrise that takes me back to my core.

    1. Thanks Maggie! I have often thought I need to become a better morning person. Somehow I suspect it would be easier if my kids didn't already get up between 5:30 and 6:00! Alone time is something I get very little of. 🙂

  6. Interesting discussion on mindfulness. I would say that your description of how you feel when riding is my exact definition of mindfulness. The thing I find most disruptive to my being mindful is being upset, for any reason. Which is why it can be doubly hard to forgive myself when I'm not mindful -- and doubly important to do so, in order to get back into the groove. Your little clan sounds very connected and delightful!

    1. I couldn't agree more! Whenever I am upset, usually about things that are out of my control, then mindfulness goes right out the window. I find my thoughts are taking up too much space in my brain!


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